When I'm With Him
by JenniferLaMontagne
Summary: Will never thought the woman he loved would betray him..."Love is a game in which one always cheats." - Honore de Balzac
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Henry doesn't exist.**

* * *

JJ squealed as Will reached down to tickle her side. She gasped for air, trying to push his hands away, laughing at the same time.

"Will…please…stop…"

He laughed, taking his hands away and resting them back on top of her knees, which she had decided to lay across his lap. They had been sitting- well, half-lying on top of someone who was sitting, in JJ's case – for nearly an hour, trying to decide what to watch on the TV.

"JJ, if you try an' put one of those girly films on again, I'll do somethin' I'll regret," Will mock-threatened, raising an eyebrow in his girlfriend's direction. She grinned at him, running her thumb over the buttons on the remote control, flicking back-and-forth through channels.

"Don't do it…," he warned, moving one of his hands up into position to tickle her again. JJ bit her bottom lip, staring at him. Quickly, she pressed the button to go up a channel, which happened to be showing the exact type of film that Will had warned her not to put on.

She dissolved in laughter again as both of his hands tickled her sides, no matter how hard she tried to push him off, he was stronger than she was. He stood up suddenly, scooping her up over his shoulder. She laughed so hard, she could feel her throat burning. Softly, she hit his back, demanding that she be put down.

"What's that, cher? Can't hear you unless you're speakin' clearly…," he exclaimed, laughing as she struggled in his grasp.

JJ's cell ringing cut into the moment, the shrill noise bringing them both back to reality. Will turned his head to look at the screen, reading the caller's name before placing JJ back down on to the couch.

"She ringin' again?," he asked, sitting down beside JJ as she quickly swiped her finger over the screen of her cell, ending the call.

"Yeah..," she sighed, throwing her phone on to the cushion beside her, "That Shannon from the gym, you'd swear she was my best friend the amount of times she calls…," she rubbed her forehead, "And I don't want to be rude, you know? I don't want to tell her to stop calling, and upset her…"

Will nodded, rubbing circles on her back slowly.

"You want me to speak to her?," he offered, giving JJ a half-smile when she shook her head.

"No, babe..," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, "I'll tell her tomorrow that she's got to ease off on the calls…", she moved her face closer to his, rubbing her nose against his, "I don't think she has many friends…," she finished as their lips met, her tongue sneaking into his mouth first, as one of his hands grazed her hip, pulling her shirt up slightly.

She moaned at the contact of his hand, and arched into his touch, urging him to deepen the kiss, when the familiar ringing sound filled the room.

The couple broke apart, both mentally cursing the caller. JJ reached back and picked up her phone, rolling her eyes as she checked the ID.

"I'll be right back…," she murmured, showing him that it was the same caller as before. He nodded and moved back, allowing her to get up and walk to the bedroom.

He heard a false exclamation of an excited "Hi Shannon, how are you?!", before the door closed and all he could hear was the muffled sounds of JJ's voice. He shook his head, and reached down to pick up the television remote that had fallen to the carpet. Quickly he changed to another film that was on that he liked, he settled, leaning back, waiting for JJ to come back so that they could carry on from where they left off.

* * *

JJ made sure that the bedroom door was fully closed before she answered the call. She held her phone up to her ear, her other arm crossed underneath her elbow as she paced across the room.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me when you know I'm here?!," she hissed, without uttering any greeting to the caller. She stopped her pacing her a moment, pausing to screw up her face and shake her head, as if mentally dismissing whatever the person on the other end was saying.

"I am calm," she reassured the caller, "But you know how many times I've said-….okay…yes…," she exhaled, and stopped the pacing to sit down on the bed, trying to stop the dizziness that had formed in her head from all the moving.

"Well what time is it now?," she asked, straining her head to look at the time on her watch, "…Okay…give me, oh, let's see," she pursed her lips, calculating in her head, "twenty minutes? Alright…Bye…"

JJ ended the call abruptly, sighing to herself. She threw herself back on to the bed, and lay looking at the ceiling. Mentally, she reminded herself to get Will to re-paint; she could see some of the paint coming away in the corners.

She stretched her arms above her head, tilting her neck, loosening the muscles.

She sat back up, grabbing her phone as she left the room, casting a backwards look at the room that she and Will shared.

* * *

JJ made her way to the coat rack at the front door, pulling her black trench coat off the hook and slipping her arms in. She grabbed an umbrella that stood, propped up against the wall.

"Hey hon?," she called, walking into the sitting room, where Will was still sitting. He looked up at her, expectantly at first, and then she saw his eyebrows furrow as he took in her attire.

"You goin' somewhere?," he asked, and JJ could nearly feel a small crack form in her heart at the sadness in his voice.

She offered him a small smile, leaning down to kiss him forcefully. As she pulled back, she gestured at the cell that was still in her hand,

"Emily rang after my call from Shannon, boy trouble…," she smirked, stroking the side of his face.

He nodded and raised both of his hands, as if to show he wouldn't ask anymore.

"Drive safe, won't you?," he asked, casting a glance towards the window, "Rain is getting' pretty heavy.."

JJ nodded and laughed, leaning down to kiss him one more time, before turning away.

"I won't be long," she called as she opened the front door, "I love you!"

Smiling, hearing his confirmation of love back, she shut the door behind her and made her way to her car.

* * *

JJ sat in her car for a few minutes after she arrived at the tall, grey apartment block. Listening to the rain pelt down at the windows and roof her car calmed her, and she took in a few shaky breaths before she let go of the steering wheel and leaned back in her seat.

She closed her eyes, wondering what Will was doing, wondering how long this was going to go on for. She hadn't even meant for it to happen…

She had met him at her high school reunion last October, well, re-met him. Andrew Carmichael, his name-tag had said, but she had seen him the second she'd stepped into the room. She had gone alone, Will had been on-call that weekend, and so there was no way he could have left the state to go to Pennsylvania with her.

JJ leaned back and hit the back of her head against her head rest as she remembered.

_He had turned to look at her the second she had started to walk towards him. She remembered the way that his face had lit up, and how he had so quickly dispelled the group of women that was already surrounding him._

_"Andrew," she had said, smiling amusedly, holding her glass of water tight. His eyes had looked right into hers at that moment, and all of a sudden, she was that seventeen year old again, saying goodbye to him as she left for college. Leaving their small town, leaving him._

_"Jenny…," he said, leaning forward to kiss her cheek, "You haven't changed a bit…"_

JJ opened her eyes, feeling tears prick at them. God, she thought, what was wrong with her today. She shook her hair out of her eyes, checking the time on her phone for the sixth time. It's alright, she told him twenty minutes, and she had a good eight minutes left.

She didn't know how it happened. How that night, that had started with them talking and reminiscing about their teenage years, had led to glasses of wine, which had led to more glasses of wine, which had led to him staying the night in her hotel room, and now, a year later, had her sitting outside his apartment, for what could easily have been the five hundredth time.

JJ didn't even know what it was, that kept her coming back to him, that had her lying to Will about where she went.

She was just glad that she had changed his name in her cell to a woman's name, and made up some bullshit story about some woman at the gym harassing her, wanting to be friends.

JJ rolled her eyes, if only that was all.

* * *

She needed to break it off, she thought as she climbed the stairs to Andrew's apartment. All she had to do, when he opened the door, was to sit him down and tell him that it's over, that she loved Will and wanted to be with him.

Although, she had never lied about that. She had told Andrew that she would never leave Will for him, that she loved Will. She didn't love Andrew, she knew that. She didn't even like him very much, but it's just she was stuck in a routine, and every time she tried to break out of it, he'd pull her back.

She'd break it off with him, she decided as she knocked on the door.

As soon as he opened it, a smile on his face, JJ knew that there would be no breaking off of anything that night.

The door had barely closed behind them when her coat hit the floor, followed by her purse. The jangle of her car keys inside, made a loud sound in the quiet apartment, but neither party seemed to recognise any sound whatsoever.

JJ moaned as his hands gripped either side of her waist, his lips assaulting her neck.

"This has to stop," she whispered, running her hands up his back.

Whether he heard or not, he didn't respond. JJ wasn't waiting for an answer as he pulled her towards his bedroom.

* * *

It wasn't until she was driving home, that she realised that she had never actually spoken those words out loud.

* * *

_"The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation." _  
_―Cheryl Hughes_

* * *

**A/N: The Profiler's Choice Awards nomination ballot is live! Any story or author needs FOUR nominations in any given category to get on the voting ballot for that category, so nominations are extremely important.**

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	2. Chapter 2

_Fuck you for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he'd gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn't about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned." _

― _David Levithan_

* * *

She was sitting waiting at the kitchen table when he got home. She heard the soft click of the door unlocking, and the sound of his faint whistling. She smiled half-heartedly at that sound, trying to remember every second, knowing that soon, there might not be very more left.

She heard his voice exclaim her name happily, and felt his arms closing around her waist as he kissed her cheek gently.

"I wasn't expectin' you back so soon…", Will said, smiling as he rummaged around in the kitchen cupboards, trying to find something to eat.

"Yeah, well the case…it finished earlier than we thought it was going to…", JJ managed to choke out. She could feel her breathing rate increase, and felt the hammering of her heart inside her chest. She took a few shallow breaths, trying to regain control.

"J? You alright?," he asked, taking the seat opposite her. The worry in his eyes made her heart stop for a split second, and she cursed herself for the pain she was about to unleash unto him.

"I need to tell you something…", she said quietly, looking down at the table, her eyes tracing over every ridge in the light brown wood.

She felt his hand cover her knee, and she looked up, her eyes meeting with his.

JJ could feel her cheeks burning, and fought all her instincts to lower her head again. No, she thought, I have to look at him to tell him.

"What is it, J? Whatever it is, it'll be alright…", he said softly, his fingers stroking her leg. The concern in his voice nearly made her break down right there and then, but she couldn't, she had to tell him without any fuss.

"For…awhile now…I've been…", she choked, jerking away from him as he tried to take her hand, "I've been seeing someone…else…"

And in that second, she memorised everything. How confusion flashed so quickly in Will's eyes, and then was replaced by anger and betrayal. How he had removed his comforting hand from her, and clasped it together with his other hand in his lap. She noticed how now his eyes weren't showing any emotion at all, they were glazed over, as if he had removed himself from the situation entirely.

"I can explain-," she began, stopping as he stood up from his chair and walked behind it, creating a sort of barrier between them.

"Who is he?"

"That doesn't matter, Will…I can explain everything I just-"

"_Who is he, Jennifer?!"_

She gulped and took a deep breath, "Andrew Carmichael…"

"From high-school?"

She nodded in confirmation, taking note of Will's fists that had curled tighter and tighter in balls since her confession.

"Do you love him?"

His words cut as sharp as a knife in the kitchen, and JJ thought her neck was about to snap with how quickly she shook her head.

"No!," she exclaimed, jumping from her seat, "No, no, no Will…"

He stepped back as she came towards him, shaking his head slightly,

"So," he said slowly, "You didn't even cheat on me because you loved this son of a bitch, if it was love, I could maybe understand…but you just decided to cheat on me because….why, Jen? If I meant that little to you-…"

"You mean _everything_ to me…", she pleaded, grabbing the hem of his shirt, "Please…."

"Jennifer…",

His voice cut through her like ice, and she dropped her hands, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Please don't leave me…," she whispered, reaching to touch his face. His hand shot out and caught her by the wrist, lowering her hand.

Without another word, he turned and walked away from her, out of the kitchen, back down the hallway he had walked through minutes before. JJ ran after him, sniffing hard.

"Will, please, I love you…_Will_….", she pleaded as she watched him put on his jacket.

She gulped out another, "Will!", just as the front door closed with a bang. She exhaled as she watched his car pull out of the driveway, tears running down her cheeks at an alarming rate. She fell to the ground and pulled herself into a ball, shaking as she let go of the tears and all the emotions that she had been keeping in to herself for so long.

* * *

JJ's eyes snapped open as she heard a faint buzzing sound coming from somewhere around her. The hallway was dark now, and Will hadn't returned. She could barely see the light coming from the screen of her cell phone, she scrambled around to retrieve it, and pressed the 'Answer' button quickly, not thinking to glance at the Caller ID.

"Will?"

"Tell that psycho of a boyfriend you have that I'm suing him for breaking my nose…"

JJ rolled her eyes, "Andrew, don't ever call me again…"

"I mean it, I'll get my lawyers on to-"

Suddenly, the hall was illuminated in a white light, which indicated to JJ that Will had pulled into the driveway again.

"Andrew, I mean it. Call me again, and I'll have my friend include some stuff in the database about you that you _really_ don't want shared. Now leave me alone.."

JJ jumped up as Will opened the front door, his car lights flashing as he pressed the lock button on his keys.

"Where've you been?", she asked, moving towards him, trying to gauge how he was feeling from the look on his face.

He pushed past her and made his way straight to the kitchen, JJ followed closely behind him, her eyes squinting as he turned on the light suddenly.

He turned on the tap, and stuck his hand under the cold running water, his face screwing up slightly as the cool liquid seeped into the open, grazed skin that ran across his knuckles.

JJ gasped, and darted forward, the tips of her fingers lightly touching his elbow, "What happened? Are you alright?!"

"I'm fine Jen," he said, his voice completely emotion-less, "Your boyfriend is a little banged up though…"

"He's not my boyfriend," she said quickly, "_You_ are…you are, aren't you?"

Will reached over and turned off the water, shaking his hand a couple of times. He turned to face her, and JJ saw a faint cut running underneath his left eye. She resisted the temptation to reach out and stroke it.

How long they stood facing each other, JJ didn't know. Finally, she managed to whisper his name, and Will's eyes found hers.

"I can't do this…", he said, taking a step backwards.

"Will, please…"

He tried to walk away from her, but she was too quick. She grabbed the hem of his shirt again, and stood in front of him, blocking the doorway so he couldn't leave.

"Please…" she whispered again, taking a step towards him, so that the gap between them grew smaller and smaller. Will tried to take a step back, but her grip on his shirt was so tight that it kept him rooted to the spot.

JJ inched closer to him, taking his chin in one of her hands. Slowly, she pressed her lips to his, keeping his head in place with her hand. He struggled at first, pulling his head away from her touch, but she gripped him tighter, her whispered words washing over his ears.

JJ kissed him again, and this time, she felt less resistance from him as their lips met. She could feel him faintly kissing her back, so she loosened her grip on his face, and moved her arms up, so that they met at the base of his neck. She could feel his hands grip either side of her waist, his fingers digging into her skin so tightly, she could almost guarantee that there would be bruises tomorrow.

JJ could feel the kiss deepening, so she tightened her arms around him, pressing herself against him as much as she could. One of her hands snaked down and started to play with the hem of his shirt. She moaned softly as her fingers came into contact with the skin under his shirt.

Suddenly, he pulled back, taking her hand and placing it by her side. He shook his head,

"I can't do it…"

JJ felt the tears pricking at her eyes again, "Yes…you can…I love you…please…"

She reached for his arm, but he pulled it out of her reach.

"I don't think I can stand you touchin' me right now…", he said quietly, looking at her hands. She gasped softly, still not moving from in front of him, blocking his path.

"But…"

"No, even now JJ, I keep thinking of you with _him_, I _love _you, but I just don't know…"

"You don't know if you still love me?"

"Of course I still love you…I just can't look at you right now…"

With those words, she finally moved aside. She heard his footsteps banging on each stair as he walked to their bedroom. She winced as she heard the door slam.

JJ made her way to the couch, understanding that trying to sleep in their shared bed would be pushing it a bit too far tonight. As she lay down, she cursed herself for being so unbelievably stupid. She could have messed up the single most important thing in her life, could have ruined the only man she had ever actually completely loved…

She closed her eyes, and strained her ears for any sounds of Will coming back downstairs. But the only sound she heard before she drifted off to sleep was the sound of wall plaster being broken, as if someone had punched the wall really hard…

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much for reading, please leave a comment and let me know how you liked it, or if you didn't like it, also let me know, tell me why not! It takes two minutes and you don't even need a FFN to do so! And a nice review would probably make my whole weekend, so why not?! Also, if you are going to be extremely nice and comment, could I ask you not to leave a two word or a generic comment, if you thought it was 'good', please tell me why! It's all to help me make my writing better! **


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